One of the common themes from soccer coaches is that parents do more harm than good when it comes to the long term development of their child. This is not just limited to the youth game. A former pro manager I spoke to who once had an ex-school friend of mine playing for him in the English Premier League a few seasons back said that, though he was a good lad, his biggest problem was his Dad. But do parents get a raw deal? Are coaches using parent behavior as a get out clause for their own lack of ability and performance? Or are coaches within their rights to voice their displeasure towards parents, despite the fact that parents often fork out over a $1000 a year for their kids to play the sport?
It must be taken into account, that with the pay to play model in the US, parents are consumers. They spend their money and as a result, they have the right to voice their concerns to coaches when they disagree with something. After all, they want what is best for their child and at the same time, they want to see their child play, improve and enjoy playing soccer. This is totally reasonable and a coach that takes winning as a priority over these things should be spoken to and be made aware that is unacceptable. I myself had an experience playing for a team (I was only there for 8 games towards the end of a season) where I received a total of 8 minutes playing time, spread over 2 games. The other 6 games saw me stay on the sideline (1 of which I was asked to run the line - the game hadn't even kicked off and I knew I wasn't going to play). As a 14 year old who just wanted to play soccer, this was no fun at all, and the costs to play in the UK were, and still are, far less than that in the US.
It must also been taken into account that soccer parents have become far more educated in the game in modern times. Games are readily available on the TV from all nations, the MLS continues to grow, the internet allows for numerous pieces of information to be consumed and days where a coach could turn up with an accent and blag his way to run a team are no longer present. Parents have valid opinions on how the game should be played and, as with most sports, want their opinions heard.
Saying that, is the information the parents are yelling from the sidelines the right thing to do? Only last week, I heard the shout of "kick the ball!!!" to an academy age player while the game was in play. My initial thought was one of "it's soccer...what else is she going to do?!" There is also the case of information being given to players that might contradict wit what the coach is asking of the players. A friend of mine had asked his Full Back to give the opposition winger space as he was getting beat for speed time and again by sticking tightly to him. The shout from the parents side "PRESS!!!" My friends response to that parent, in his own terms, was not particularly polite.
The best youth coaches are 'teachers' of the game, similar to how teachers at school are 'teachers' of particular subjects. It is our job to teach the fundamentals of the game, and increase the difficulty as the season progresses. This means that mistakes are going to happen as kids are improving their understanding of what to do. Would a parent stand at the back of the classroom in math, shouting "Add! Add!! Take it away!!! NO, NO, NO, MULTIPLY!!!!!!!"? The answer is probably not (of course, I can't talk for everyone). Kids would get flustered and be unable to think straight, most probably getting the answer wrong.
Yet, despite this, when it comes to game days at a soccer game, some feel the need to do this exact thing, but in a soccer context. When a young player receives the ball, they have to think where the defenders are, where their team mates are, where the space is, how close they are to goal and make a decision on what they want to do with the ball in less than a second. Couple that with potential noise from the team mates, parents and the coach, and that is an awful lot of information to process in a short space of time. Decision-making and quick thinking is what stands the elite players out from the rest, and the reason for this is that they have been given the opportunity from an early age to make these decisions, whether right or wrong.
I go back to a game I watched where I was standing in between 2 parents, 1 quiet and 1 who wouldn't stop talking to his son. The boy of the loud parent lost the ball every time it came to him, the boy of the quiet parent had the freedom to play the game, scored numerous goals (in fact, the only time his Dad said anything was when he over celebrated a goal, telling him to calm down) and within weeks was playing for a professional club's academy in the UK. Since then, the last I heard, he had graduated to an academy of a Championship club and played for England at schoolboy level. During that game, you could see the nervousness of the kid with the mouthy parent every time the ball came near him. Tense players rarely make good players.
Most parents see development as one thing - winning. This is true in a lot of countries, but especially in the US as the culture permits to going out and taking what you want. Success is celebrated in this country (as opposed to the UK where successful people are often criticized) and that is a great thing. But should success be judged on only short term results? In soccer, this can be especially damaging. Kids are competitive players. In the Academy program , where results and league tables are not kept, players will come off and know the 'score' of the game. However, from an adult point of view, if we want to develop high level players long term, it is important that we do not see this as the be all and end all. Youth games, especially U13 and below, are often won and lost by speed, size and strength, regardless of whether the players can kick the ball properly or not. While a nice short term feeling to do so, as though players get older, game intelligence will take over and speed easily negated by teams who know how to do so. Focusing on the win is doing said players who have raw athletic ability a disservice, as eventually, they will be found out.
Sadly, from a parent perspective, this expectation of winning games can lead them to acting a little too aggressively at times. Once again, this is not aimed at every parent. This video is a great example however. After a 9 year old makes a mistake, kicking it away from his own keeper and out for a corner (not a bad thing. Maybe the keeper didn't call for the ball), one parent decides to scream "What were you thinking!!!" What makes it worse, is it wasn't her son. The poor boy's reaction straight away says it all.
As mentioned before, would this be acceptable in everyday life? If a kid was to drop a grocery bag and an adult, not related to the boy, shouted at him "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!" would this be tolerated? I doubt it. Yet during a game of soccer, for some reason, this adult saw it as reasonably normal behavior.
A coach I once worked with, had decided to switch his team around in terms of playing positions and playing time when leading a game 4-0. The game remained the same. He later received an e-mail from a parent asking why he did this and his response was that the game was already won and it was a good opportunity to switch players around and let them learn something different. The parent was not happy with this, stating that in the US you are taught to "crush" the opposition, he did not agree with the coaches decision and that he would not be educating his daughter that way!
For those players who have aspirations to play Elite level, whether on a national league stage, college or professional, winning a U11 league is not going to play a part in their tryout. How they think, how they move, how they control the ball certainly will. For those that do have that ability, winning a U11 league is not going to play a huge role in their development towards becoming an adult. Reactions like the one in the video above, or here, very well may do and one would think, not for the better.
It should be said that most parents are not like this. They are supportive of their children, allow them to make their own decisions on the field of play and offer encouragement after a difficult performance. As mentioned in a previous blog, the support they provide on game days in terms of numbers is fantastic and offers kids a great tool in their development for performing in front of watching eyes, whether that be any kind of sport or presentations that they make in later life for their chosen line of work. However, it is vital that as adults, we do not take wins and losses personally, we do not try and live our sporting dreams through our children and that we act in a way that towards the players that we too would want to be treated, allowing them to learn the fundamentals, learn the aspects of the game and give them the best opportunities possible for success.
After all, that is what every parent wants.
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